Music for the Masses

Monday, June 23, 2008

Confluence of Confusion

So last night, the 4 of us were driving back from visiting my brother and his family. As we're driving, wife says, "Hey, I think we just passed that one person you used to be friends with."

"What ...? Where?"

"Back there. Doesn't she drive blah blah blah car?"


"We definitely just passed her."

I have gone to great lengths to eliminate this person from my life. This came after several weeks of trying to figure out why she stabbed me in the back the way she did, and trying to fix our friendship. At this point, I can no longer afford to care or worry about it. If I were as cold-hearted as she can be, I could have let this slide back at the beginning of April when everything happened. The problem is that I *did* care. A lot. It made me sick to think that someone thought I was dumping on them, but it made me more sick to know that, in the end, our friendship was really just a big sham. A ruse. And I was the unwitting participant in one of the truly large practical jokes--our supposed friendship.

So there we were, on the highway. I really, really didn't want to see this person, so I sped up a bit and got over into our exit lane. Sure enough, though, guess who pulled in right next to us at the light. My wife being the sweetie she is wanted to wave and say hi, but I pointed out that, knowing how she's treated us lately, she'd call the cops and try to get some kind of restraining order issued.

I'm sort of a masochist, I guess. I can tell myself until every last brain cell is dead (which, at this point, would only be about 5 or 6) that I don't want to do something, and I'll do it anyway just because I'm a moron. So weef said that she was sitting right next to us, and of course, I had to look. Sure enough, there she was. I'm not sure if she had someone in the car with her or if she was just singing along to the radio, but she looked like she was talking or singing. Or whatever. She looked happy.

Then, all of the sudden, I realized that I was happy *for* her *being* happy. The last month we worked together, she always had her door shut, she rarely came out, and when she did, she always looked consternated and pissed off. I know her job sucked royally at that point, and I know that she had a really, really rough patch of it a few months ago, but beyond that, I don't know what her job entails or how things turned out because she so wholly and completely cut us out of her life. Like I said, I can't afford to worry about it at this point, but regardless, she looked happy last night. Maybe that's an indication that she's back to her "happy place."

I can't flush 4 years of friendship down the toilet. That's not me. I can't tell myself that someone who I thought was such a good friend no longer matters. If she's happy, then I'm happy for her.

1 comment:

happy mom said...

friendships can be great, but they come and go, that is why you have to rely on family, let her go, it will be for the best. It can still hurt, but, it is best to let it go.