Music for the Masses

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Conversely ...

Wherein last week we had a really great weekend, this weekend is shaping up to be one of the worst in history. And by "history," I mean since the dawn of time. Not just since weef and I got married; not just since we adopted girls 1 and 2. No no, reader. I mean since Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden and forced to walk the untamed earth. That's right. My family and I are the recipients of THE WORST WEEKEND ever. Period.

Okay, okay ... I hyperbolize greatly. But it's probably true.

So, Friday morning, I checked movie times and prices for "Quantum of Solace." Found a good theater, checked the times, settled on the 8:05 PM show at the local theater, and called around to find a sitter. Some friends of ours agreed to a "date swap" night, where they watch our kids one night and we watch theirs the next night. Perfect! Called weef to tell her that we're going to dinner and a movie. She didn't pick up, and I didn't leave a message, but she called me back 5 minutes later. Earlier in the day, girl 1 had a doctor appointment for a routine physical. 4 shots in the leg for some booster shots = one grumpy little girl. Then came the chilling part.

Weef was holding girl 1 on her lap. She noticed something crawling in her hair. In fear, she showed the doctor, who said, "Yup. That's exactly what you think it is." Our poor little girl had an infestation of lice. And it was *bad*.

Now ... having never dealt with lice before, I thought, "well, comb them out, wash her up, and we'll send her over to our friends for our date night!!!" For those of you who have lived through this ordeal, you know the humor behind that statement. For those of you with the good fortune to have dodged this particular bullet, let me just say this: We discovered this Friday afternoon; it's Sunday morning, and we're nowhere near done with everything we need to do.

Just for us, we had to wash our hair with unconditioned shampoo, rinse, put in this foul smelling lotion that's supposed to kill ALL the bugs and eggs, leave it in for 10 minutes, rinse that out, towel dry our hair, then comb it for an hour or so--going inch by square inch over every part of our head: behind the ears, nape of the neck, and crown being the primary locations for lice to hide. It took us 4 hours JUST to comb girl one's hair. Girl 2 ... not nearly so bad. Maybe an hour. I just shaved my head down to about 1/16th inch. I do it pretty regularly anyway, so this wasn't a big ordeal for me.

Vacuuming every square inch of house with a shop vac--not a conventional vacuum cleaner, bagging all fuzzy and furry toys in air-tight bags, washing (no drying--dryer's dead) every stitch of clothing, changing bedsheets, pillow cases, spraying furniture, scrubbing ... more shampooing, lotioning, and combing. Even after two treatments of this supposed bug killing lotion, we *still* found live bugs in girl 1's hair. STILL!

We're not sleeping at all. Not well, anyway. We're too paranoid.

So here we are, under a self-imposed quarantine. No one comes in, no one goes out. Except the guy who's delivering our new/used dryer this morning. Ox in the mire, folks. Ox in the mire. Or as one friend put it, "bugs in the hair." Funny ... yet not.

Oh. Ha ha. Another friend skyped me during a small break and said, "Hey! You guys are now part of the Simpsons!"

"Oh ... yah? How's that?"

(long pause as he lets it build up)

"The Itchy and Scratchy Show!"

Again, funny ... but not a lot of funny.

So, yah. That's our weekend. How's everyone else's weekends going?!

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